Quit the Judgement!

This week a YouTube clip started doing the rounds, showcasing the “struggles” of “child care workers.” (and no, I am not going to link to it, as I really do not intend to give it more exposure than it has already had)

Sure, it was designed to be a comedy “bit” and I happen to think I have a great sense of humour. Yet, there were two main things about this clip that I found off-putting. 
    1. The fact that the term “child care worker” is used – surely we are beyond that terminology. I know some people argue that its a pretty small thing, but I think that the language we use in our profession is important!

  1. The second thing was actually not the clip itself, but the comments that followed. This “comedian” is clearly not an early childhood educator, however the people who shared this clip in various Early Childhood Facebook groups and in other locations, are. The people who commented on this are. And that is what really concerns me. 

Over the last few days, I have done some serious reflection on this whole thing. Why don’t I find it amusing? Why do others find it amusing? Would I have found it more amusing BEFORE I became a parent? 

I strongly believe that being able to look back at our practice that we have evolved from and say “wow, that was awful!” can be a liberating and positive experience. I can honestly admit to judging (inwardly and in conversations with colleagues) parents at times when I was first working in an early childhood service and cringe when I think about it now. 

I think that too often (not just in our profession, but in society in general) we are too quick to judge. We jump to conclusions really quickly, forgetting to put ourselves in the shoes of others. Parenting is a tough gig. Yep, it’s a rewarding one, but it is all encompassing and really hard work! Many parents will relate to perpetual feelings of guilt and inadequacy. When we make the decision to place our child in the care of someone other than family, someone (or many someones) who are in effect, total strangers, we take a big leap. We are trusting that someone is going to give our child what they need, when they need it and when we can’t be there. We are trusting that someone is going to love and nurture our child, respect them and appreciate all of the wonderful things that we see in them. And so, with that leap, comes worry and sometimes requests, questions or concerns (like those parodied in the aforementioned YouTube clip) that may seem a wee bit over the top. 

Standard 6.2 of the National Quality Standard says:

Families are supported in their parenting role and their values and beliefs about childrearing are respected.

That seems pretty straightforward to me! Yet, the vitriol in the comments on this video, by people who call themselves educators, was appalling. Okay, we have all been there. We have all had a parent ask for something or tell us something or complain about something, that has caused a raise of the eyebrows or an internal “what on earth are they thinking?” But, the comments I read were criticising almost every thing a parent could possibly say or do. For sure, if a parent breaches your policies (e.g. bringing a sick child to the service) that’s a problem. But when we are talking about parenting choices and approaches to childrearing, it is just not okay to be so damn judgemental. 

What possibly bothered me more, was the fact that when other educators dared to express concerns about this, they were said to be “humourless” or engaging in “censorship.” So it might not be nice to be “called out” for poor practice, but I wish someone had told me when I was 19 to stop being so judgemental of families. Instead I had to learn it the hard way – becoming a parent and being the one who is judged!

Meeting or exceeding standard 6.2 of the NQS isn’t about having flyers of parenting information in your foyer, it is about respectful relationships. We don’t always have to agree with the way someone parents (and by all means if abuse or neglect is a factor, that is a whole different kettle of fish) but we do have to be respectful. Take a deep breath and put yourself in the parents shoes for a moment before you roll your eyes or whinge to a colleague about that “high maintenance parent.”

Quit the judgement! Life’s to short to be negative.

By Nicole Halton 
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Nicole Halton

Nicole Halton is the co-founder of Inspired EC. She is the author of several early childhood books, an advocate for children's rights and a mum to three.